Every time I try to write the word meditation, I write mediation instead. I find this really interesting considering the definition of the word mediation. Let’s take a look at the definition:
“The process if talking to two separate people or groups involved in a disagreement to try and help them to agree or find a solution to their problems.”
I don’t meditate as much as you might think!
When I meditate (which is not as often as you might think!) I often feel like there is a mediator between two sides. It’s as if there are two people. One wants to be better and the other is a rebel that wants to fight back and get lost in future and past events.
Back to the part where I said I don’t often meditate… this may be a huge assumption of mine, but I imagine people think, because I make meditation beads, I sit and meditate all the time. This is not true. Of course I strive to meditate as much as possible and know that when I do, I feel better, but sometimes life gets in the way. I can go weeks if not months without meditating. I work full-time, I am a mum, I teach yoga, and then I have my jewelry business, so like lots of people, life can get in the way of meditation.
“It’s ok not to be the perfect meditation student.”
An old zen quote comes to mind. “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes every day — unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour.” I know this to be true. I also know that it’s OK to not be the perfect meditation student and to admit that it’s hard. It is supposed to be hard!
Yes, I make jewelry that facilitates meditation. This does not mean that I am an expert at meditation myself. It just means that I found something that helped me. It helped me so profoundly that I wanted to create beautiful things to help other people to feel better too.
Back to the point…
OK, back to the whole meditation versus mediation thing. When I meditate I feel I am in two minds. My mediator is a sense of someone in between these two minds. It is trying to calm them both down and find a middle ground. Almost as if one is all “holier than thou” and the other one is Britney Spears when she shaves her head off!
I think my main problem is that I feel like I’m not a naturally open and warm person. I’m more of a hard and prickly than a soft and fuzzy if you get what I mean, at least to begin with.
My walls are so high
I am fiercely protective and loyal to the people that are in my life but I know that I am guilty of not letting people in that easily. I get the sense that I am known as “a hard person” and I think that comes from having a lot of walls around me. That sounds really cliché but sometimes the walls are so high I can physically feel them and they overwhelm me.
I remember a while ago having my Nahual read and feeling a little embarrassed at how accurate it was. I am a Tijax and apparently we hold grudges. Once someone does wrong, they might as well be dead to me. After hearing this I have tried hard to let go of any wrongdoings that I feel people have done. I try to get past that and see the better in people. It’s so so very hard. On the flip side once you’re in, you’re in and then I’ll hold a grudge against anyone that does you wrong too lol!
Maybe this is why I sometimes feel such a battle going on during my meditation practice. It’s a sign for me to let my walls down a little bit, trust the process and let go.
This is the first mala I ever made and used to meditate with The 8mm Simple Indian Agate Mala
The one I get the most compliments on The Luna Azul Mala
The one I am wearing as I type this The Rose Azul Mala
Can you count how many time I wrote “mediation’ instead of meditation….lol